Too Beat for Booty

Everyday stressors can wreak havoc with your sex life. We know this, we feel this every time we are thinking that if he would just finish we could get 7 hours of sleep. However, little is known about the physiologic effects of stress on sexual functioning. But the effects of stress on the mind are well documented. Since sexual desire originates in the brain, it's not surprising that the mind-altering effects of stress can also become libido altering and include:

• Negative emotions
• Anxiety that can overpower the relaxation necessary for successful lovemaking. If left unchecked, stress can also lead to depression, a condition well known for lowering your libido. If you take anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medications, they may boost your mood but depress your sex drive or ability to achieve orgasm
• Research has shown that certain anti-depressant medications—and especially selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa and Lexapro can reduce arousal and/or decrease one’s ability to climax. In fact, SSRIs are frequently prescribed to men who suffer from premature ejaculation
  
• Concentration problems - It's important during sexual activity to focus on the eroticism of the moment. If that erotic focus is distracted or lost during love-making—if in the back of you're head you're thinking about that meeting you have scheduled tomorrow morning—that can lead to difficulty with erection, or vaginal dryness and difficulty achieving orgasm.

The good news is that your every orgasm doesn't have to lose out to your boss's bitchiness or the pending mortgage payment. Weaving quality love-making into a whirlwind schedule may be challenging, but it's far from impossible.

Try these techniques as starters for decreasing stress and increasing sex:

• Plan for sex - Having sex at the end of the workday may not be the optimal time. This is not the ideal environment for 45 minutes of foreplay, 20 minutes of lovemaking, and 30 minutes of afterglow. Therapists recommend setting a date one to three times a week, even if it's only for an hour.
  
• Say what you feel - Once a day, tell your partner what you love about him or her. It takes just a minute. Women access their sexual feelings through being emotionally close with their partners and men access closeness to a partner through the experience of sex. If this applies to your relationship, realize that saying how you feel about your partner, even if you don't feel close to him/her at that moment, can promote physical closeness. And even if you don't feel like being sexual, an affectionate touch might encourage him/her to communicate more.
• Remember the importance (and fun!) of sex. If you look at sex as one more thing that you should be doing as part of a good marriage then it becomes just one more stressor. Remember how much fun sex can be, and how important intimacy is amid the noise of everyday life.